Manoj Bajpayee said he was ‘close to committing suicide; even found a vada pav was costly’

In the wake of Sushant Singh Rajput’s suicide other celebrities are coming forth and revealing their fight with depression. The latest to disclose his bout of depression in Bollywood news, leading to suicidal tendencies, is National-Award winner Manoj Bajpayee. The actor opened up for the first time on the trying circumstances at the beginning of his career, when even a vada pav was costly, paying the rent of a chawl was difficult, an AD had torn his photo, he was shooed away from a set and how his friends never left his side during his suicidal phase.

 Bajpayee (51), who grew up in a Bihar village, said that he knew acting was his destiny when he was just nine.

He said he was a fan of Amitabh Bachchan and visited the city to watch movies.

He, however, added that due to financial issues, he decided to continue with his studies.

In a recent interaction with Humans of Bombay, Manoj sir said, “I was close to committing suicide, so my friends would sleep next to me and not leave me alone. They kept me going until I was accepted. That year, I was at a chai shop when Tigmanshu ( Dhulia) came looking for me on his khatara scooter. Shekhar Kapur wanted to cast me in Bandit Queen ! So I felt I was ready and moved to Mumbai. Once, an AD tore my photo & I’ve lost 3 projects in a day. I was even told to ‘get out’ after my 1st shot. I didn’t fit the ideal ‘hero’ face–so they thought I’d never make it to the big screen. All the while, I struggled to make rent and at times even a vada pav was costly. But the hunger in my stomach couldn’t dissuade my hunger to succeed.” 

Talking about his struggle, Bajpayee said that he applied at the coveted National School of Drama (NSD), but got rejected thrice.

He said he had suicidal thoughts, but his friends never left his side.

Bajpayee then moved to Mumbai. But it wasn’t an easy journey.

He rented a chawl with some friends and started looking for work. However, luck escaped him.

He revealed that an Assistant Director (AD) once tore down his photo. He also revealed that he has lost three projects in a single day.

Once, he was asked to “get out” after the first shot itself.

After struggling for four years, things started changing for the better.

Bajpayee landed his first role in Mahesh Bhatt’s soap opera Swabhimaan that aired on Doordarshan.

He said he received Rs. 1,500 per episode as his first steady source of income.

Well, we wish everyone going through such low phases had as good friends as Manoj Bajpayee.


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